Last thursday Me and Alan Octavius O'Brien (or Alan Octavius O'Brien and I for the grammar-y people out there) hopped in Margaret the Mercedes, in order to take a weekend trip to see our good friend Duffield at uni in Bath.
What we did not realise was that we were in for a weekend, of torment and horror!
The trip started well enough, began with a tank full of fuel, and some road sweets, a set of mix-tapes a headband and some fake wayfarer sunglasses, what could go wrong?
We made it most of the way to Bath without any hiccups, (apart from bath not appearing on the map for quite a while) and stopped off near Bristol to get burgers, while at burger lord (tm) we phoned ahead to Duffield to tell him we were no more than an hour away and would see him soon, so he headed into town. (we also made up a story about being in a crash, and being at the police station, which we thought to be hilarious (oh the irony as big G would say))
We followed the signs for Bristol and I expected to see signs for the park and ride soon so we could avoid the Rat Race of Bath, but no such signs were seen, and before we knew it, we were slap bang in the centre of Bath (the worst place to drive EVER) after cruising around for a while we stopped to view a map and find the park and ride, this map was confusing and unreadable, so we cruised around some more looking for some form of sign. (by this time we were 30minutes overdue and Duffield was beginning to worry, however we were both somehow out of batter and or signal and therefore out of contact) whilst looking for somewhere to go we narrowly avoided running a red light, (with a police man behind us) and then seconds later, went the wrong way down a very busy intersection into oncoming traffic.
The police were not happy, the pulled along side us and produced their various badges TV style, and pulled us off the road to have a talk with us. (at this point I would like to mention that it was under Alan's suggestion that I pulled down this particular road, I should have know better than to take directions from 'the' Alan O'Brien) After threatening to take away my licence (and checking extensively that I hadn't stolen my beloved Margaret or neglected to insure her) they not only let us go with only a verbal warning (once again I avoid being on the police computer system!) they escorted us to the nearest park and ride as we were obviously to scared and pathetic to take care of ourselves in a big city.
We arrived at the park and ride (waved in by the officers) and parked just in time to see the last bus for Town pull away into the night.
So with all out luggage in hand we set off for the long walk to Bath city centre (1hr 30mins late at this point)
We finally got down to the town and called Duffield (just as he was about to leave and go home, apparently leaving us to shelter on the streets of bath until the next day) and got the bus to the Uni.
Safe you might think, but no there was more.
At the Uni we began drinking (after a nice meal of pasta expertly cooked by Duffield who proved to me you can boil bacon, which I didn't know was an option)
then went to the pub then came back and drank some more, some how we managed to convince Duffield to drink a leftover 1/2 bottle of Jack Daniels. (and this is what caused the problems later on)
After a few more hilarious antics (one particular incident involving a 'serving' of pepper) Duffield retired early and drunkenly to bed.
Me and Alan Finished our drinks and had a chat then followed him up. He looked so peaceful in his bed that me and Alan decided to join him and we all clambered onto the bed. After a small amount of gettin ourselves comfy we prepared to doze off..
we hear a disturbing gurgle from the Duffield below us, we leap of just in time for him to shoot undigested JD and un-chewed pasta all over the wall and pillow, (as well as a fair amount over himself) before falling asleep in this disgusting mess. Me and Alan horrified by the incident set up camp on the floor and slept in fits until 5am when Duffield Re-gained conciousness and scraped crusty vomit off his torso and set about showering and clearing his bed for the laundry he (now) had to do.
and thus began our second day in Bath. (the joys haha)
.. stay tuned more of this story of Horror and Degradation, in parts 2 and 3, to be blogged later