Some of you may have noticed I have been a bit off lately,
- angry
- arrogant
- mean
- rash
- crazy
etc
I have already phoned and apologized to a number of people (there are a few I have yet to do, so hold on I will get round to you) and am really on a mission to make things right, I don't know what exactly was wrong with me, tiredness again? (we all remember that episode) mild depression? (which is ironic because I tend not to believe in it) a tendency towards psychosis? who knows? If this ever happens again I would like the people who notice to tell me, the only way I can fix it is if I know I'm going wrong, I want people to tell me I'm mad and scaring them rather than just smiling as I go mad.
Fixing everything does not limit itself to this one time apology, I have already made one massive step in my life, one which I'm only not putting on line in case a very small subset of the wrong people know what it is before they are supposed to. but suffice it to say it involves me and Karys and a substantial amount of happiness
I have also vowed to
be a better friend to Ricky (talk to him, attempt to help him with his problems again, hang out with him and eat lunch together as a start)
keep more contact with my friends who have gone to uni, most notably Alan and Duffield (who should get skype) who I am going to phone or at least lengthily e-mail once or twice a week to catch up and see how things are going. But also everyone else, via the facebook and on msn, I miss you guys and you've kinda dropped off my radar.
Be a good brother to Big G, it sometimes seems like Big G is my big brother, he looks after me so much, (and is far more ripped than I am) and has stood by me through all the random madness (even when I beat seven shades of sh*t out of his friends on a semi regular basis) so now I only have 5-6 months before I go to uni when he wont see me very often Im going to make the most of it, (we haven't really been, not in the same house for more than 3 weeks in the last 16 years) and be the big brother I's supposed to be, (not beat him up, but set an example haha)
Be a better boyfriend to Karys, this doesn't mean big things like, loving her (which I do) or buying her big expensive things (though there a a few I need to get haha) this means doing all the little things, that are harder now she's away but still just as important. things like picnics, home made gifts, mixtapes and music, ribbons and bits of string.
(a foot note to this I also remain tolerant of her random shopping of clothes and other items AND telling me about them, I am going to try very hard to understand the new fashion trends she is picking up (or inventing) regardless of the fact I love her if she is wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of threadbare jeans. I will even tolerate clothes that only exist to "make her look thin" regardless of the fact she is in fact very thin and could achieve the same effect simply by painting herself)
I will be nicer to my parents, I don't want to leave my parents with the angry teenager thing I want them to see I am growing up and can be a functioning member of society. So I am going to spend more time with both of my parents doing various things, be it helping to cook, messing with a car for a cross country thing, MAN-holidays (which also allow me to do the big G thing) and other things like that.
I think that's it, I'm aware I haven't mentioned Billy in this post, but I don't know what I can do with him, its near impossible to have a normal rational conversation with him seeing as he's is either, acting like a caricature of Ricky on crack (mostly when he's around his friends), asleep, or having just woken up when he is pissed at the world. Still never mind ill do my best.
(I'm not going to say I'm back to blogging, we all know my blogs are few and far between and thats unlikely to change, my blog is for long emotional things, rants and possibly feedback on events or gigs and stuff, never blogged about the room upstairs 2 or the night before... they were pretty cool)
...Wade
